Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
