You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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