hotel room ftw
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
