As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
