after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
