living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
