Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
