dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
