I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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