dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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