There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
