btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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