the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize