I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
