The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i out mim tonsoeep
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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