I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
