you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
