I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
