Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
