My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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