Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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