I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
