I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
