Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
