The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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