He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
