Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
