I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
