he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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