I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
