she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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