I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
