I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You are the jesus of drinking
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
