i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
