She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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