just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
