The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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