YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I stole a fireplace last night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
