she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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