I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just gift wrapped bread.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
