If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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