Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
