I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
