singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
