then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
