How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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