My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
