Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
