I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
