I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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