Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
