We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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