dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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