Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
