Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
