I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
