i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
