im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
