ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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